Moleman's Epic Rap Battles 2: Twilight Sparkle Vs Mister Ed
by Moleman9001
Summary: Television's two greatest talking horses clash in a verbal battle of somewhat epic proportions! Like the first of my rap battles, this was also previously posted under another account which I've stupidly lost access to; it is not stolen, I am the same person who posted it before and am doing so again here along with all my other rap battles for the sake of completeness.


**VIDEO HERE: watch?v=bcW9h0cUrMo**

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**MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!**

**MISTER ED…**

**...VS…**

**…TWILIGHT SPARKLE!**

**BEGIN!**

**Mister Ed:  
**A horse is a horse, of course, of course, except for you, you little freak!  
Your fans are a bunch of obsessed and whiny pervert manchild geeks!  
What? You say they're cool? Don't make me laugh, for God's sakes.  
I mean, how can you say that when they write sick shit like _Cupcakes_?  
And even though you've got that fancy horn and live with a little dragon,  
You're weak! You couldn't even pull your own show's bandwagon!  
You're purple like Barney,  
And you look like a carny!  
I'll terminate you like Arnie,  
'Til you're deader than Jim Varney!  
My show is classic; yours is saccharine and spastic.  
You practice witchcraft, while my words are true magic!  
And I'm breaking my oath of only talking to one guy,  
To spit these mad rhymes that'll make even Celestia cry!  
To create you, Faust must have made a deal with the devil,  
But when I'm done, your Ponyville will be leveled.  
So save me some trouble, and put your mouth on that curb,  
So I can stomp you with my hoof and blame it on Wilbur!

**Twilight Sparkle:**  
Are you quite finished yapping? Your scary words don't trick me.  
Your threats are idle; you're a more pathetic bitch than Trixie!  
You're a one–trick–pony; I'm the coolest thing on TV;  
I'll grab my friends and blast you with the Elements of Harmony!  
The name's Twilight Sparkle; not a pansy vampire, either.  
This will be a bigger landslide than Beethoven vs. Bieber!  
And trust me: when you try to talk shit about Bronies,  
You make yourself a bigger target than Joseph Kony!  
Besides, last I checked, there are plenty of perverts in your land.  
Might I remind you of _Equus_, or the infamous _Mr. Hands_?  
You claim to be a stallion, but you act more like a llama.  
You're _boring_! You're a lamer villain than King Sombra!  
I can't see how you were ever a hit, even in the 60's;  
The only Eds on television worth watching are _these three_! (_*Ed, Edd and Eddy are shown*)  
_Now, back to me: Do you seriously think you can win this?  
You're an ugly old mule; I'm a magical _goddess_. (_*Turns into an alicorn*)_

**Mister Ed:**  
Wait, what? You grew wings? That has to be a joke!  
It's a bigger shark–jumping than _FRYING THE COKE!  
_I'll trample you as soon as I'm freed from this stable,  
So come at me, Has–bro, if you think yourself able!  
I'll turn your hooves into glitter glue, mount your head on a wall!  
And as for your little friends, I'll exterminate them all!  
I'll shove Pinkie in the oven and make a pizza pie,  
Feed Rarity to a Manticore and snap the neck of Fluttershy!  
I'll go Sweet Apple Massacre on Applejack,  
Murder Rainbow Dash and take a dump on her memorial plaque!  
I'll put Derpy down like Old Yeller; be quick to pull the trigger.  
I see you've realized you'll lose; took you long enough, ni–

_(*Record scratch*)_

**Rainbow Dash:**

Boo! Boo! Those are my two words for you!  
You keep talking trash, but you're a bigger chicken than Scootaloo!  
I run the full color spectrum of awesomeness;  
You're a dull, unappealing, monochrome mess!  
And this horse of a lack of color will be in for a jolt,  
When I hijack this cloud and strike him with Wonderbolts!  
Rainbow Dash is best pony, you racist old nag.  
I'm 20,000% cooler than you, bitch! _Swag.  
_Listen here, Francis: I'll beat you in ten seconds flat.  
I've got the Sonic Rainboom; there's no way you can top that!  
This kid's already gone further then you ever did, sucker!  
So I'll leave you with this:  
**TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHERFUCKER!**

**WHO WON?  
WHO'S NEXT?**  
**_I_ DECIDE!**

**MOOOLEMAN'S EPIC, MOOOLEMAN'S EPIC... RAAAAAP BATTLES!**


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